Culture
Do you also have times where you wonder how true is the old saying, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Jupiter?" Sometimes it just seems as if men and women come from different planets because they think so differently! If you think about it we might be on the same planet, but all around this planet there are many different cultures. Each and every family even has it's own individual culture within it. The cultures that we were raised in influence everything we do, think, and say. As a man and a woman becomes a union by being married they find that they struggle with adapting to the culture of their spouse. This helps cause many miss-communication errors between the couple.
Stress
The many miss-communication errors causes stress upon the couple and their relationship and it can be damaging if not reevaluated and taken care of properly. Picture with me a bridge:
if you look at this bridge you can see many support beams that are placed to hold the bridge as it crosses the chasm. The engineer who builds any bridge knows that there will be stress upon this bridge, and it functions better because of the stress upon it. An engineer knows that he needs to prepare, analyze, and discuss with others the way that the stress will affect the structure. Then he will place those beams where they will be most effective in holding stress. This is exactly what a husband and wife will need to do as they recognize the stress upon the structure of their family. As a husband and wife work together in building beams of strength in their family they will see that stress is not necessarily a bad thing, and as a couple is mindful of creating strategies to strengthen the family they will see that they will have less breakage in their marriage and home.
Coping strategies
The greatest coping strategy for a family dealing with miss-communication is to
turn to each other consciously. It is kind of counter intuitive, but as each individual is thoughtful about how their choice will help them become closer to the spouse or family the family becomes more cohesive. From my own experience I can tell you that becoming closer and talking with each other will be very difficult at first but, as you rely upon each other, all involved will feel more trust in the support given by the another. This brings us back to the beginning though, sometimes because of the cultures that we have been raised in it is too easy to miss-interpret what is being said by the other family member.
Thoughts and interpretations
"encoding" is the process of putting your thoughts, emotions, and ideas out towards others in a form that others can also perceive. As is shown in the example above sometimes there is a "decoding" or "encoding" error. These errors can be avoided by a few things that my husband and I have been working on; such as communicating so clearly that you can be understood and communicating so clearly you can not be miss-understood. Being understood is like giving someone a deep breath of oxygen.
Picture Mr. James Bond when he was underwater
and he stuck this thing in his mouth and was able to breath.
Then he looked over and saw the girl underwater
and she was struggling to breath. Well he immediately
went over to the woman and he stuck the breathing device in her mouth and they alternated breathing. It is the perfect imagery for communicating with and understanding one another as a spouse or family member.
Understanding
Michael Williams coined a little phrase, "become curious not furious" Wise words, for each of us has had times when someone has deeply hurt our feelings by something they said or did. It is natural to wish to retaliate with something cruel or mean.
Many times we hear things that are not really said!! Each individual needs to make it a point to clear up hurt or confusion. My dearest husband has had many times where he said something that hurt me, so in an attempt to not be angry I say to him, "you might want to rephrase what you just said." He will and every time I realize what he was trying to say. Most of the time I realize that my loved one did not wish to hurt me, I realize that either he was not "encoding" or I was not "decoding" correctly! Way to many times we have been hurt deeply from someone we care about by something they said or did and forgiveness is necessary.
Forgiveness
I have seen many folks in my family who have been hurt deeply by others actions and words and even I have been hurt myself. "The most damage that happens in a family happens when there is anger." This was also said by Michael Williams and I have never heard a statement so true. We all have been hurt at one time or another by loved ones, and that is when it is most important that we Forgive them. When I say that we need to forgive them, that does not mean that we need to change them, and chances are that they will not change. What changes is deep within our hearts. I promise that any and all relationships will become stronger as you forgive and let go of all of the hurt, pain, and anger of the years. I know this from personal experience! I know how hard it is to forgive and "Let it Go" (as Elsa from frozen says) yet I have become a better woman, more compassionate, loving, and understanding of my family, friends, and neighbors because of my choices. One last word from our Heavenly Father he says in the scriptures in Ephesians 4: 32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." This creates more of a desire within me to try to understand and communicate with my spouse, and other family around me. Does it for you?
Additional sources
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/07/talking-it-over-ideas-for-husbands-and-wives?lang=eng
References
