Parenting

Being a parent is the highest calling that we can ever have. The way we treat and honor our parenthood is an example to your children and will last for many generations. Yet parenting is extremely difficult and sometimes seems impossible. There is a researcher named Michael Popkin who offers many insights on parenting (he's been at it professionally for over 20 years) and I would also encourage you to look him up as I did. There are so many aspects to parenting that I could be doing books, but I figured that would be to long for a blog, so I would put in a few helpful tips that could assist one who parents mindfully. This is called active parenting, or more commonly known as authoritarian parenting.

In active parenting there are three simple steps that we will walk through today and in some I will use a short video clip to demonstrate one my meanings.
The first step is to make polite requests as a parent. This is ALWAYS needs to be your first step of action, instead of threats.

• this minimizes contention
• gives correct views for you and child
• gives choice and does not demand or force
• lowers your blood pressure ;)
• and pulls the judgment out of the request

Step two:

Use "I" messages

When you_________

I feel________ 

Because_________ 

I would like__________

This teaches respect and gives empathy on both sides of the situation. It helps you to explain the "why" to them. This way focuses on the behavior and not the person themselves. Never ask "why" because it makes the person the enemy and does not deal with the problem.

Also it is good to remember that it is good to go out of your way to catch people doing good! It brings greater and more satisfying results. Keep in mind that sincerity is your greatest tool.

Step three:

A Strong or firm reminder

The trick is to keep it short and simple with absolutely NO lecture.

for example, "Jada Clean up the room, now."

I hope as you try these things for more than one day you will see more peace and respect for you and your children within your home. A few last bits of reminders on what Authoritative or Active parenting:

• as a parent have the view, "I am your mother/father I am not interested in pleasing you, I am interested in guiding you."
• reflect all emotion except anger!
• teach and demonstrate respect
• be concerned about long term results
• Do not react in the moment
• be consistent

Being a parent is difficult enough and being imperfect it is sometimes made even harder by our mistakes. As we continue to try to improve our skills we become even greater than we were before we had children. In our efforts to become active parents, we will find greater joy and love in our interactions with each of our children. 

"Giving love, freely and completely, is the surest way for parents to enjoy the closest possible relationships with their children. In giving such love, we become most like God."

We have children to love them and I sincerely desire peace to come into each of our hearts and our homes as we individually become a better parent.

Resources:
http://www.activeparenting.com/About-Michael_Popkin
These two links helped me understand how to communicate effectively with teens:

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=12&EndCue=1997&VideoName=1560_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=0&EndCue=1643&VideoName=1561_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos​

 my quote came from here:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1986/07/honoring-parents-and-being-honorable-parents?lang=eng

FATHERS!

I absolutely cannot help myself! This is what my Dad did with us on our farm.

All except for the talking cows, we have not got that far in their training.

It is so important for a father to take even just a few minutes to spend time with his children. It is also essential that his wife supports him in his endeavors.

It's the simple things that you will never ever forget, and this builds a foundation for a relationship between man and child that will be useful for the rest of their lives!

Communication between husbands and wives

Culture
Do you also have times where you wonder how true is the old saying, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Jupiter?" Sometimes it just seems as if men and women come from different planets because they think so differently! If you think about it we might be on the same planet, but all around this planet there are many different cultures. Each and every family even has it's own individual culture within it. The cultures that we were raised in influence everything we do, think, and say. As a man and a woman becomes a union by being married they find that they struggle with adapting to the culture of their spouse. This helps cause many miss-communication errors between the couple.
Stress
The many miss-communication errors causes stress upon the couple and their relationship and it can be damaging if not reevaluated and taken care of properly. Picture with me a bridge:

if you look at this bridge you can see many support beams that are placed to hold the bridge as it crosses the chasm. The engineer who builds any bridge knows that there will be stress upon this bridge, and it functions better because of the stress upon it. An engineer knows that he needs to prepare, analyze, and discuss with others the way that the stress will affect the structure. Then he will place those beams where they will be most effective in holding stress. This is exactly what a husband and wife will need to do as they recognize the stress upon the structure of their family. As a husband and wife work together in building beams of strength in their family they will see that  stress is not necessarily a bad thing, and as a couple is mindful of creating strategies to strengthen the family they will see that they will have less breakage in their marriage and home.
Coping strategies
The greatest coping strategy for a family dealing with miss-communication is to turn to each other consciously. It is kind of counter intuitive, but as each individual is thoughtful about how their choice will help them become closer to the spouse or family the family becomes more cohesive. From my own experience I can tell you that becoming closer and talking with each other will be very difficult at first but, as you rely upon each other, all involved will feel more trust in the support given by the another. This brings us back to the beginning though, sometimes because of the cultures that we have been raised in it is too easy to miss-interpret what is being said by the other family member.
Thoughts and interpretations

"encoding" is the process of putting your thoughts, emotions, and ideas out towards others in a form that others can also perceive. As is shown in the example above sometimes there is a "decoding" or "encoding" error. These errors can be avoided by a few things that my husband and I have been working on; such as communicating so clearly that you can be understood and communicating so clearly you can not be miss-understood. Being understood is like giving someone a deep breath of oxygen.
 Picture Mr. James Bond when he was underwater
and he stuck this thing in his mouth and was able to breath.
Then he looked over and saw the girl underwater
and she was struggling to breath. Well he immediately
 went over to the woman and he stuck the breathing device in her mouth and they alternated breathing. It is the perfect imagery for communicating with and understanding one another as a spouse or family member.

Understanding
Michael Williams coined a little phrase, "become curious not furious" Wise words, for each of us has had times when someone has deeply hurt our feelings by something they said or did. It is natural to wish to retaliate with something cruel or mean.  Many times we hear things that are not really said!!   Each individual needs to make it a point to clear up hurt or confusion. My dearest husband has had many times where he said something that hurt me, so in an attempt to not be angry I say to him, "you might want to rephrase what you just said." He will and every time I realize what he was trying to say. Most of the time I realize that my loved one did not wish to hurt me, I realize that either he was not "encoding" or I was not "decoding" correctly! Way to many times we have been hurt deeply from someone we care about by something they said or did and forgiveness is necessary.
Forgiveness
I have seen many folks in my family who have been hurt deeply by others actions and words and even I have been hurt myself. "The most damage that happens in a family happens when there is anger." This was also said by Michael Williams and I have never heard a statement so true. We all have been hurt at one time or another by loved ones, and that is when it is most important that we Forgive them. When I say that we need to forgive them, that does not mean that we need to change them, and chances are that they will not change. What changes is deep within our hearts. I promise that any and all relationships will become stronger as you forgive and let go of all of the hurt, pain, and anger of the years. I know this from personal experience! I know how hard it is to forgive and "Let it Go" (as Elsa from frozen says) yet I have become a better woman, more compassionate, loving, and understanding of my family, friends, and neighbors because of my choices. One last word from our Heavenly Father he says in the scriptures in Ephesians 4: 32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." This creates more of a desire within me to try to understand and communicate with my spouse, and other family around me. Does it for you?

Additional sources
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/07/talking-it-over-ideas-for-husbands-and-wives?lang=eng
References 

What you do makes a difference

What one person might do might not seem to matter until you see the difference one person makes in a home or family. We each have a role to play and what we do to matters. It might seem as if we are not noticed or that we might be taken for granted, but the small things that we do will make a difference eventually. I have seen many women as mothers who struggle with the daily routine tasks that seem to make little difference those mothers are raising their children to become better as they allow those children to assist them in the every day tasks. This bonds them and their offspring and the greatest work anyone can do is within the home. 

Never underestimate the difference you make to one person, whether it be a child, friend, neighbor or sibling. You are the difference.

Barriers or Structures- You choose.

I would love to share one of the most important lessons that I have learned in the past few years. In one word:

Boundaries
This is not a dirty word folks! Boundaries can be healthy and unhealthy. It is wise to be aware of the ways that you establish and create intentionally the boundaries in your life. The most important boundaries that can be established in a home is the boundaries within and surrounding a marriage. That in turn will establish boundaries for the rest of the family, friends, and others who end up coming in contact with the family. I am going to share the three different boundaries/relationships that form around a husband and wife using the visuals of fences.

We have all sorts of examples of relationships in our lives

Some of these relationships have boundaries like a fence that has only posts set up here and there around the couple. in these relationships the boundaries are undefined and  it is quite easy to invade the boundaries. Examples of invasions can be in the form of children, old boyfriends, or even seemingly harmless contact with other gender friends. Many marriages have the mother and father of one of the spouses make decisions regarding what the couple do. Yet we need to remember that the primary defining character to this type of boundary is that the communication channel is more open to others outside the marriage, and not enough within the marriage. As time goes on you can see the trails going in and out of the fence posts of the marriage and there is damage to the husband and wife relationship. 

 On to the next example:

OH YEAH! THE BRICK WALL!!!!!

These are the relationships where there is a solid 10 foot brick wall with barbed wire on the top, "ain't nobody getting in or out of this one!" There are some families who have a brick wall built (sometimes because someone has hurt them) around their family, and no one can get in. Some brick walls are built around Father, excluding even Mother, and mother builds brick walls with her and the children because father is not accessible. Usually when brick walls are involved someone gets left out in the cold. There is not a very good communicating system between the Husband and Wife, and in turn the communication systems between the children and parents are unhealthy. Each brick wall is different but each is equally harmful.

Okay, enough of the depressing stuff, lets get down  to the goods!!!! Who likes picket fences??!!!! You know the ones you can talk to your neighbor over?

I debated over this video because it probably doesn't prove my point. We can use it as a prime example of what not to do! But the main point I would like to make is that you do have to make it so that you can "talk over the fence" to other people out side of your relationship. The communication between you and others can be there but the channel of communication between you and your spouse will need to be open greater than the ones outside of your marriage.

The picket fence defines the boundaries clearly and the gates that are available to be used are unmistakably marked. I mean think about it, if someone outside the relationship tries to come in the pokey things on the top of this fence will clearly state that it is wiser to go and use the gates that have been clearly marked. The path inside the gates is well defined and shows people where they are to travel when within the gates. These relationships are the kind where the husband and wife is friendly with one another, discusses subjects that perhaps are difficult (and they can do it without putting up brick walls between each other) There is order and structure to the relationship and people within and without the relationship always know what they can and cannot do in the relationship.

Why is this even important to discuss? 

If we all decided to create the relationships that we are a part of purposely then we will be able to see so much more success in families who stay together. Once any boundary has been defined whether it be good or negative then there are major results in the raising of a family or even in the way friends and neighbor's involve themselves in your relationship. As we are mindful of the way that we intentionally create our structure between husband and wife we will see long term results in our home and family.

Sources (besides good 'ol Youtube) look up:

http://www.foh.dhhs.gov/NYCU/marriage.asp

http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/10-simple-ways-to-make-a-marriage-last/index.aspx

"home improvement flowers for wilson" is the youtube clip

Do you ever have those days you just wonder about where you would be with out your family? I mean, I know no one is perfect, but I am sure glad that I was able to share difficult/Great experiences with my family. I think that our view is all about perspective, I know that because of Christ I have been given hope for my life to be filled with JOY and LOVE!!!!! And you know, I have worked hard for where I am now, and I'm glad that I also went through difficult things to get here. I appreciate my variety of experiences and it makes me appreciate my wonderful family so much more.

This is what makes me want to become a better woman for my Husband. This is what makes me smile even when things are difficult and hard. Because Family makes it all worth it!

What I will want my children to know about healthy dating

I recently had a friend of mine ask a question that hurt my heart. I won't say it word for word due to many colorful expletives but basically he was wondering what he was doing wrong! He would date someone and instead of the woman staying with him she would just up and leave him with out warning. After this happened multiple times he finally decided that there was something the matter with him and he was an ugly son of a gun and that is why no one wanted him. Sounds familiar?
I have contemplated many such relationships and have asked many questions but there have been to many unsatisfactory answers. So I decided to take a family relations class. (from this class I have notes up the wazoo!) One of the sections we discussed was the relationships between a man and woman who are dating according to today's trends.
The trends of today are simple you hang out, you make out, and then you drop out! or in other words "date 'em till ya hate 'em" according to Michael Williams. There are so many serious and unnoticed trends that we follow especially as we go and do something as serious as dating! Let me point out this theory that explains so perfectly what we do and what we need to work on doing better!
The theory is from the book "How to avoid marrying a Jerk" by John Van Epp.

This above is a healthy dating relationship. It is relatively simple, as you get to know someone your level of trust goes up. As your trust level rises you rely upon them more and become more committed to them. As a natural result you touch them a bit more than you did when you first met them. It's simple, and healthy and makes sense right? 

Well lets see what the trend of today looks like:             A bit unhealthy looking isn't it? Well in today's world it is very much okay to be holding hands or even kissing on the first date and how well do you know that person?! You just met them, you can't know them very well, or even trust them that much yet. As physical touch raises so does the commitment level. And as that to raises so does the level you rely on them. But you don't get to know them or trust them any more as you are focused on filling that "need" to touch them. It seems that our trends are a bit backwards. Some one asked the other day, "if this is the trend all around us then how do we date the healthy way?" There are many of us who are wanting to date more healthily but just don't know how! The main key to this is learning how to communicate your expectations to those you are dating. Now don't hate me for what I am going to say next but it is okay to date multiple people, you are not playing them, but the main reason for dating is to understand and find things that you will eventually want in an eternal companion.

Now that we are aware of what the trends are in dating around us, what are healthy ways that we can date ourselves. The fact that you have read this far means that you now have an awareness of what is healthy and unhealthy. Now you can implement this in your own dating life. One more thing that you will need to be equipped with before you go. Take absolute steps in your dating process. If you look at our society currently we are really good at our "hang out" sessions and sliding from hanging out, to dating, to boyfriend/girlfriend, to marriage. Make it a point to take actual steps in your dating process. Let me show you:
First step is to officially start dating.
        Second step is to officially start courting.
                 Third official step is become officially engaged.
                            Fourth step Get officially Married!
Our tendency is to just slide through the steps, not actually taking the time, effort, and deep thought to take these official steps. You see as you go through these steps you are setting up a communication system that will influence the rest of your marriage and you lives. Think about it, if a woman is asked by the man "Will you officially be my girlfriend" what roles are that man and woman displaying? How would this eventually effect them? If the man then goes and officially asks the father, "May I court your daughter" the communication with the parents, and the importance the Man places upon that relationship becomes significant in later years. Okay I'm sure you can take it from here on out!
Keep in mind the three very important "P's" of your dating life.

                The three P's of dating:

planned

paid for

paired off

or if you look at the Proclamation for the Family the three P's are:

Provide

Preside

Protect

               

I know I didn't give you creative dating ideas, but your dating will be much more healthy and enjoyable as you follow and implement these basic principles in your own relationships. These things are things that I will teach my own children, and I hope that as you experiment with them that you will find success as I did!
                                                                                                              

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=215
http://www.michaelwilliamscounseling.com/?p=203

What matters most?

I sometimes forget my priorities, and need to set them straight and today was one of those days. Being mindful of those around us especially our loved ones, friends, and neighbors will make the day better.

I am grateful for a living prophet who guides me and shows me the Lord's path.

Same Gender attraction affects

Now I am just a simple farm girl from good 'ol Idaho! Yet in my life I have seen true beauty and that is found in the creations that God has formed for us here on this earth. The greatest and most beautiful is the body. How sacred our bodies are!!!! It saddens me when I see someone who is struggling with treating their precious body in a way that damages it. There are many ways that I have seen this beautiful creation destroyed and I would like to share something with you from a prophet of God, he said, "We all constantly need reminding. Our bodies are sacred. They were created in the image of God. They are marvelous, the crowning creation of Deity. No camera has ever matched the wonder of the human eye. No pump was ever built that could run so long and carry such heavy duty as the human heart. The ear and the brain constitute a miracle. The capacity to pick up sound waves and convert them into language is almost beyond imagination. Look at your finger and contemplate the wonder of it. Clever men have tried to match it, but have never fully succeeded. These, with others of our parts and organs, represent the divine, omnipotent genius of God, who is our Eternal Father." -Gordon B. Hinckley.



Our bodies are so precious and sacred that we cannot misuse them! I have seen many ways to misuse a body, but one that is very popular now is the gender misuse! 

Now why would I bring this topic up? I have learned and listened to many folks who have very strong opinions on this, I have felt the effects in my own life and I know that this very trend will effect my very own home. 
There is a growing trend to label one's self or others as "gay or lesbian" I personally believe that term is faulty. What people are doing is labeling something that is deeper than just what they have concluded as "gender differences" I have searched out places where you can start to look into this very topic yourself if you will look into it with an open heart and mind. 
First I would like to state that I am a very strong advocate for Marriage between a man and a woman. I believe that marriage is an institution that is set into place by our God. He has set up the laws of attraction for his sons and daughters. I do not believe that same gender attraction existed in our pre-earth life and I do not believe that it will exist in the next life. I also believe that same gender attraction is a very real temptation for folks in this life. I believe that attraction was instilled within each of us was to set up the institution of families; in a working family institution that consists of a man and a woman who accomplish God's purpose by bringing his children into this world. At times this attraction has been blatantly misused, and other times it is a subtle temptation that stems from many different sources, such as previous abuse, rejection growing, lack of acceptance from others and the list continues.
I have searched more beyond what folks have told me and I have had a teacher point out this article from the man who researched the "gay gene." I would like to quote him here, "It is important to stress what I didn't find. I did not prove that homosexuality was genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn't show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work." I do not believe that there is a gay gene, but I do believe that homosexuality is a strong temptation that some have to wrestle with. We all have temptations, and we all struggle with out own trials, this is another that has been prevalent in the world. It is all over in the bible, and God did not suggest that we embrace same gender attraction. I also would like to point out that God also said in Matthew 7:1-2 "judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." So when we make judgment calls we have to do it wisely especially on topics such as this one.

Defining ourselves

I would like to point something out, homosexuality is not a noun that describes a condition. It is an adjective that describes feelings and one's behavior. I would like to go and take a quote from Dallin H. Oaks and a man named Lance B. Wickman who point out the definitions of self.

"I think it is an accurate statement to say that some people consider feelings of same-gender attraction to be the defining fact of their existence. There are also people who consider the defining fact of their existence that they are from Texas or that they were in the United States Marines. Or they are red-headed, or they are the best basketball player that ever played for such-and-such a high school. People can adopt a characteristic as the defining example of their existence and often those characteristics are physical.

We have the agency to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us. The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. " So our focus is upon building ourselves to become better and while we each search for what makes us better we create definitions for ourselves. 

Does it matter that the whole focus of everyone is upon WHAT creates same gender attraction? 

I believe that it does matter where our focus lies. If we each focus on one aspect that contributes to our character then we are missing the development of the rest of person! The beauty of each of us as an individual is that we can see ourselves in much broader contexts. Such as the fact that we are children of a loving God, and that we each have many talents weather they might be, musical, artistic, athletic, etc. 
"The more a person can look beyond gender orientation, the happier and more fulfilling life is likely to be. The worst possible thing for any of us — no matter what our temptations, no matter what our mortal inclinations may be — is to become fixated with them, to dwell on them. When we do that, not only do we deny the other things that comprise us, but experience teaches that there will be an increased likelihood that eventually we will simply succumb to the inclination." Oaks and Wickman
My point is that our main focus should not be upon our sexual orientation but upon seeing ourselves with a much grander perspective. If we can maybe we should look beyond our own perspective and see ourselves the way that our Father in Heaven views us each individually. We are each a child of God.

Hope

As I said earlier there is a lot of folks who struggle with this same gender attraction. I believe that same gender attraction is one of those struggles that each of those individuals who struggle with it will need to learn to exercise self control. Each of us has to learn how to have that self control over our own individual temptations. I have spoken up about this specific trial because it has broken my heart when I have heard a friend say, "I won't be able to have a family like the rest of you because I am attracted to my same gender." This friend of mine wishes to be a parent, and wishes to be a good person. I have studied and prayed about this with the hope that I might be able to give encouragement to one who has this same struggle. I offer these suggestions I found as I researched, 
" The good news for somebody who is struggling with same-gender attraction is this: 
1) It is that ‘I’m not stuck with it forever.’ It’s just now. Admittedly, for each one of us, it’s hard to look beyond the ‘now’ sometimes. But nonetheless, if you see mortality as now, it’s only during this season. 
2) If I can keep myself worthy here, if I can be true to gospel commandments, if I can keep covenants that I have made, the blessings of exaltation and eternal life that Heavenly Father holds out to all of His children apply to me. Every blessing — including eternal marriage — is and will be mine in due course." 
I know that normally we do not do back to back quotes but I feel that this one is essential for my point,

"Through the exercise of faith, individual effort, and reliance upon the power of the Atonement of our savior Jesus Christ, some may overcome same-gender attraction in mortality and marry [others of the opposite gender]. Consider a principle learned in gardening. Someone said that if we plant a garden with good seed, there will not be so much need of the hoe. Likewise, if we fill our lives with spiritual nourishment, we can more easily gain control over inclinations. This means creating a positive environment in our homes in which the Spirit is abundantly evident. A positive environment includes consistent private and public worship, prayer, fasting, scripture reading, service, and exposure to uplifting conversation, music, literature, and other media." Jeffery R. Holland
So to my friend and others, I have found a few things that can assist you during your times of trials and temptations. You and the body that God has given you are so precious and lovely! Know that God Loves you and know that I love you too!!!!

Please search for yourselves! Here are a few of the resources that I quoted from here:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/we-are-children-of-god?lang=eng
xhttp://www.equip.org/PDF/DH055-1.pdf
(if it doesn't work try googleing this:) http://www.equip.org/PDF/DH055-1.pdf
Be ye clean April 1996- Gordon B. Hinckley
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/04/be-ye-clean?lang=eng
http://www.dennisprager.com/why-a-good-person-can-vote-against-same-sex-marriage/
http://genderwholeness.com/pdf/exoticbecomeserotic.pdf
http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/10/helping-those-who-struggle-with-same-gender-attraction?lang=eng

MY Family!!!

All of us together finally!!!

My Family is not perfect, thank goodness because they wouldn't be as much fun if they were!!!! I am so grateful that family is Eternal!!!
Each one of my family members has really helped me become who I am. Don't ever tell Tyler this, but whenever he would tease and torture me he would inevitably say, "Misty I am preparing you for the rest of your life dealing with other people, and someday you will thank me!" In reply I would chuck something at him and tell him that I would never ever in a million years thank him!!!!
I lied. oops.
As I said, Don't tell him this (I'll know you told because he won't read it) I would like to thank my brother for teasing and torturing me as we were growing up together, because he did prepare me for life, bless his heart. That is a prime example of how my family has blessed me!


I can't get enough of my dearest sister's excellent (and boneless) hugs, and if you have ever given her a real hug you know what I'm talking about! I will always be appreciative of my beautiful Mother's listening ear and excellent advice, especially as I was freaking out as I dated Jacob. Thank heaven she listens to the spirit so well. I'm so grateful that Johnny was born!!!!! He has truly been a pleasure to have in the family, and I've learned that children can be a joy to raise because of him.

sorry Mom, I had to the Kie's Hitler mustache and Johnny's future goatee!

 Kie has probably helped me grow the most, by teaching me love, both through example and from simply being born and on this earth in my family.


Oh my goodness you will never believe the torture I put both Tren and Mitch through as I encouraged them to escort me around the farm and because of their awesomeness they went the extra mile and they each would open the barn door for me! (it made me feel so loved)

my buddy Mitch!!!!!

I will always be grateful to my Grandparents for letting us live a couple hundred feet away from them and for teaching me principles of honesty, finances, and patience through their excellent examples.

Grandpa says he has a sleep button on his bottom, when he sits, he sleeps and it's TRUE!!

 And there is always my Daddy's long tractor rides (in actuality they usually lasted about 5 minutes, thanks to my amazing timing) and his chalk board talks at 6:30 in the morning and his smile of pleasure when we talk about how I am doing in life.

 It is exciting to think about how all of us are growing and changing so quickly and how much more we have to grow!!! We have made it through long and dull hours in the milk barn, and on the tractors in the fields!






We have made it as we have played hard and worked hard and have kept God involved in our lives. What fine parents we have who have been willing to try their best and it shows.

And Last and my greatest find was my Husband Jacob, who keeps me on my toes, and brings true joy into my life daily. A wonderful addition (even if I do say so myself)  to our delightful eternal family!!!!

~Family Structure~

                                                               ~Family Structure~

I contemplated pluralizing that title, because every family is so very different in it's build and structure. I would like to share something that I was privileged to observe last week, and I would like to share some of my thoughts with you, and would love to hear your examples as well. 

Brother Williams asked a group of students to go to a empty space in the class room and he asked that they hold hands and stand in a circle. As they stood there he asked that they extend their held hands and lean back into the circle they were making. This represented a family, there was a mother, father, and three children. Each had burdens that they carried and the family could feel when the burdens would become heavier. Brother Williams went to the mother and stood behind her as he put weight and pressure upon her shoulders, we watched as the rest of the family was taken off balance as she had the added weight upon her. They teetered and tottered, and had to regain their footing as they struggled to help hold up her weight. When the pressure from her shoulders was released they quickly braced and bettered their hand holds with each other. 

Then it came to the father of the family, as Brother Williams placed pressure upon his shoulders, he explained burdens that were placed there, Worry about finances, pressure to be a good husband, a good father, and out side pressures from work were starting to become harder to bear. The family surrounding the father were once again unbalanced, but not like they were before. They did their best to be there for their beloved family member as the burdens were felt through out the family circle. 

It came to be the daughter of the family's turn. As the weight began to be felt through out the circle, one of the brothers exclaimed, "Don't worry we got you!" and that time as her burdens were explained the family was stronger in supporting each other. 

The burdens of each member of the family was explained and the family reacted the same each time, they compensated for the problems even though it hurt (as they explained to us later sometimes it was very painful) and they trusted each member of the family to support them.

This is an ideal, yet often times, one of our family members or even ourselves will let our grip slip as we struggle under the burdens we take upon our shoulders in this life of trials. When we see someone struggling in our families, sometimes it is hard to assist them because we are still trying to catch our balance from when they let go and that circle of support was broken, and we a lot of times we just do not know how to regain our lost footing. 

I believe that if we try, and turn back again to each other we can become stronger because of those falls made. Take the bible story of the prodigal son and think about the family as he left, what did the mother feel, the father, the brother? All were effected and sometimes there is a reaction of anger. What do we do in situations where our loved one slips away from our hands?:

The best and most "perfect" family exists, and it does not mean that it always has to be a perfectly round circled family. The family is now made up of all sorts of compounds and that includes, divorce and remarriage, anger and forgiveness, abuse, unkind acts, same sex parents, death, sickness, and the list of the different family structures goes on. The family that strives to lift one another despite the loss of balance and order, The family with members who know the importance each member of the family including themselves is the family who will survive in this world of turmoil and grief. To be a family who reaches out to each other despite the burdens upon their own shoulders will be able to become a family who is stronger despite the loss of hand holds for a moment of time.  Now really think about it, we have each seen within our families, or other families that surround us, examples of faith and lifting by the members in the family unit. Picture those families and think about those experiences you have watched. What makes them become stronger?

I hope you have related to the analogy shared here, I am wondering if you will share other experiences or thoughts on family structures with me?

Criticism verses Love

So here I am one day sitting in my nice hard desk chair (three days ago) and I hear my professor say, "In a place where you feel warm and accepted you are most likely to correct actions."  We were discussing the word, "conflict" in relationships he said that the word "conflict" means differences of preference, opinion, or perspective. I think that we often need to learn from our experiences what to do with our conflicts. One thing that I firmly believe is that criticism is NEVER conducive, it will always make us feel defensive not compliant!
Do you remember the story about the sun and wind having a contest to see who could get the man below them to take off his jacket. They argued about who could do it the quickest and then proceeded to demonstrate. The wind blew his hardest against the man to take off his jacket, but the man just tightened his coat and walked on. After the wind blew, the sun decided to take his turn. He shone down on the man as brightly as he could and in moments the man had his jacket off.
oftentimes in any relationship whether it be brother, sister, husband, wife, or friend we have conflicts. How do you resolve the conflicts in your life????
I have studied and heaven knows I'm not even close to being good at resolving conflicts but here are a few things I have found.
First Love your Spouse and be realistic. As this gentleman says;
"Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us. "-Elder Carlos E. Asay
Yep!! Anyone else see that in their own lives?? I hope I'm not the only one here!

Second Pray for those you are inclined to hold a grudge against. 
I know it sounds silly, and sometimes the list might include those closest to you. But this is very important for a few reasons. When you turn to God for assistance, he will always hear and answer your prayers this is truth! I found something from our dear Elder Henry B. Eyring 


 he says something that I believe is an answer to resolving conflict, he stated, "My message is that we are doing better. Fathers and mothers are pleading for unity in their homes, and those prayers are being answered. Families are praying together night and morning. I was invited to kneel at bedtime with a family when I was a guest in their home. The smallest child was asked to be voice. He prayed like a patriarch for every person in the family, by name. I opened my eyes for an instant to see the faces of the other children and the parents. I could tell that they were joining their faith and their hearts in that little boy’s prayer."

The third thing I have found is to take a step back when you are angry, stop. Have compassion for their soul. put your feet into their shoes.

Take my word for it...sometimes those shoes are just plain uncomfy!


I don't claim here to know much, but I am sharing what I have learned so far in life. I hope it helps!!!




sources
https://www.lds.org/manual/family-home-evening-resource-book/building-a-strong-family/resolving-conflicts-in-marriage?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/our-hearts-knit-as-one?lang=eng&query=conflict

Do you ever have those times when something hits you?

We might not all be mothers, but I still think that the overall message is true for each individual.

I believe that God hears and answers my prayers. This isn't something I say lightly, but something that is dear to my heart. This morning I asked God to help me to see the miracles and blessings in my life today. A few of them I would love to share and remember so I will write them here. 

Imediately after my prayer I got to work on my school work and spent hours doing it. As I did this, my husband came in and asked what was for breakfast, I let him know that I had lots to accomplish before my first class and asked if cerial and milk would be okay. He replied that no it wasn't and he would be making breakfast. He made blueberry pancakes (let's be honest, I don't make them!) and he lovingly took the time to feed me before my class. God answered by showing me that I was loved and cared for by a good man and a wonderful husband. 

Later, as I was in the office and a friend came in and sat with me and we talked for a while. She shared a story about a young lady who was giving my friend a ride home. As they drove the Lady started to cry and my friend was uncertain of what to do. She had the thought come to her mind to ask Jorden to come and give her a blessing. He was on the college campus and when she called he asked if it could wait for 20 minutes, and she said, "No, the sooner the better." 10 minutes later he was at the door. Jorden had dropped everything that he was doing to go and assist others in need. I realized that this simple act, unnoticed by most, taught me that being willing to be selfless is something that will and can come naturally in the times of need. this had been weighing upon my heart for a few weeks, and God showed me that it is by the simple things that great things come to pass. 

Later this evening, I was returning a pickup to the farm, and as I was driving, I felt overwhelmed with all the things that I felt I needed to accomplish. I thought about my inadequacies, imperfections, the things I need to improve and correct in my life and I wondered what I was to do?! As I drove off the freeway into the small farm town and I felt in me, that I needed to call Mother Ball. I didn't have anything really to talk about, but I decided to call her anyways. Mother Ball let me know that she was on a walk, and she said that I could come and talk with her. I pulled up to the house and sat on the porch in a rocking chair. When she came up to the house, I walked out and immediately I knew what I needed and desired most was a hug from her. I asked for a hug, and as she gave me a hug it was as if it was a hug from my Heavenly Father, and I knew that God loved me and answered my prayers, and that Mother Ball was a good woman who was willing to do the things that God asked of her. 

These things seem simple yet each in their own way has let me know that when I pray to my God he hears and answers the simple prayers of my heart.

I found an experience that has made me think a bit about the differences that each person makes in this life. I work with the students in the Greenbrier apartments and we had a meeting last evening. The manager of the apartments invited the bishop and his counselors to come, but only the counselors were able to make it. The one man stood and talked to the students and shared a story from his college experience that made me laugh, but think. When he was young he went to UVU and had some roommates that were very memorable, in a not so positive way. He had one named Rick and another named Randy. Rick had a gun, and Randy a machete. Each morning this poor brother would get up at 6 and leave for school and he didn't return until after 10:30 each night. Every night he would return wondering if his house would still be standing, or either of the roommates of his were still alive. As the poor man slept he would leave one eye open just in case either of them decided to take his life in the middle of the night. He felt as if he was a wandering vagabond with out a home.
This is a prime example, a lot of times I have realized that I am like Rick and Randy, maybe not with a literal gun or machete but with my attitude, my words, or even the things I watch or do, I have created a home where no one wishes to be. It is a very lonely experience, take my word for that one.
I have often thought that a home can be a place of refuge, peace, and comfort. To create such a home is something that I am still learning how to do.  Each person who comes into my home makes a difference there, and I love the variety of folks that have found their way into my home!

the begining

For those who know me, and those of you who will be getting to know me, I absolutely adore stories!!! The more "real" they are the more I love them. Sometimes life tosses you some hard times, but from those priceless experiences we learn life lessons that will help us grow. Often I have found that if our personal stories are shared we influence others for good. I am here to share my stories of a simple farm girl who is going to college and learning from each person who comes into my life.

The best stories I have found come from family and friends who become like my family, so a lot of those stories will come from those sources. I hope you enjoy this adventure with me! Because let's be honest life is an adventure!!!!!

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