Parenting

Being a parent is the highest calling that we can ever have. The way we treat and honor our parenthood is an example to your children and will last for many generations. Yet parenting is extremely difficult and sometimes seems impossible. There is a researcher named Michael Popkin who offers many insights on parenting (he's been at it professionally for over 20 years) and I would also encourage you to look him up as I did. There are so many aspects to parenting that I could be doing books, but I figured that would be to long for a blog, so I would put in a few helpful tips that could assist one who parents mindfully. This is called active parenting, or more commonly known as authoritarian parenting.

In active parenting there are three simple steps that we will walk through today and in some I will use a short video clip to demonstrate one my meanings.
The first step is to make polite requests as a parent. This is ALWAYS needs to be your first step of action, instead of threats.

• this minimizes contention
• gives correct views for you and child
• gives choice and does not demand or force
• lowers your blood pressure ;)
• and pulls the judgment out of the request

Step two:

Use "I" messages

When you_________

I feel________ 

Because_________ 

I would like__________

This teaches respect and gives empathy on both sides of the situation. It helps you to explain the "why" to them. This way focuses on the behavior and not the person themselves. Never ask "why" because it makes the person the enemy and does not deal with the problem.

Also it is good to remember that it is good to go out of your way to catch people doing good! It brings greater and more satisfying results. Keep in mind that sincerity is your greatest tool.

Step three:

A Strong or firm reminder

The trick is to keep it short and simple with absolutely NO lecture.

for example, "Jada Clean up the room, now."

I hope as you try these things for more than one day you will see more peace and respect for you and your children within your home. A few last bits of reminders on what Authoritative or Active parenting:

• as a parent have the view, "I am your mother/father I am not interested in pleasing you, I am interested in guiding you."
• reflect all emotion except anger!
• teach and demonstrate respect
• be concerned about long term results
• Do not react in the moment
• be consistent

Being a parent is difficult enough and being imperfect it is sometimes made even harder by our mistakes. As we continue to try to improve our skills we become even greater than we were before we had children. In our efforts to become active parents, we will find greater joy and love in our interactions with each of our children. 

"Giving love, freely and completely, is the surest way for parents to enjoy the closest possible relationships with their children. In giving such love, we become most like God."

We have children to love them and I sincerely desire peace to come into each of our hearts and our homes as we individually become a better parent.

Resources:
http://www.activeparenting.com/About-Michael_Popkin
These two links helped me understand how to communicate effectively with teens:

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=12&EndCue=1997&VideoName=1560_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=0&EndCue=1643&VideoName=1561_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos​

 my quote came from here:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1986/07/honoring-parents-and-being-honorable-parents?lang=eng