Barriers or Structures- You choose.

I would love to share one of the most important lessons that I have learned in the past few years. In one word:

Boundaries
This is not a dirty word folks! Boundaries can be healthy and unhealthy. It is wise to be aware of the ways that you establish and create intentionally the boundaries in your life. The most important boundaries that can be established in a home is the boundaries within and surrounding a marriage. That in turn will establish boundaries for the rest of the family, friends, and others who end up coming in contact with the family. I am going to share the three different boundaries/relationships that form around a husband and wife using the visuals of fences.

We have all sorts of examples of relationships in our lives

Some of these relationships have boundaries like a fence that has only posts set up here and there around the couple. in these relationships the boundaries are undefined and  it is quite easy to invade the boundaries. Examples of invasions can be in the form of children, old boyfriends, or even seemingly harmless contact with other gender friends. Many marriages have the mother and father of one of the spouses make decisions regarding what the couple do. Yet we need to remember that the primary defining character to this type of boundary is that the communication channel is more open to others outside the marriage, and not enough within the marriage. As time goes on you can see the trails going in and out of the fence posts of the marriage and there is damage to the husband and wife relationship. 

 On to the next example:

OH YEAH! THE BRICK WALL!!!!!

These are the relationships where there is a solid 10 foot brick wall with barbed wire on the top, "ain't nobody getting in or out of this one!" There are some families who have a brick wall built (sometimes because someone has hurt them) around their family, and no one can get in. Some brick walls are built around Father, excluding even Mother, and mother builds brick walls with her and the children because father is not accessible. Usually when brick walls are involved someone gets left out in the cold. There is not a very good communicating system between the Husband and Wife, and in turn the communication systems between the children and parents are unhealthy. Each brick wall is different but each is equally harmful.

Okay, enough of the depressing stuff, lets get down  to the goods!!!! Who likes picket fences??!!!! You know the ones you can talk to your neighbor over?

I debated over this video because it probably doesn't prove my point. We can use it as a prime example of what not to do! But the main point I would like to make is that you do have to make it so that you can "talk over the fence" to other people out side of your relationship. The communication between you and others can be there but the channel of communication between you and your spouse will need to be open greater than the ones outside of your marriage.

The picket fence defines the boundaries clearly and the gates that are available to be used are unmistakably marked. I mean think about it, if someone outside the relationship tries to come in the pokey things on the top of this fence will clearly state that it is wiser to go and use the gates that have been clearly marked. The path inside the gates is well defined and shows people where they are to travel when within the gates. These relationships are the kind where the husband and wife is friendly with one another, discusses subjects that perhaps are difficult (and they can do it without putting up brick walls between each other) There is order and structure to the relationship and people within and without the relationship always know what they can and cannot do in the relationship.

Why is this even important to discuss? 

If we all decided to create the relationships that we are a part of purposely then we will be able to see so much more success in families who stay together. Once any boundary has been defined whether it be good or negative then there are major results in the raising of a family or even in the way friends and neighbor's involve themselves in your relationship. As we are mindful of the way that we intentionally create our structure between husband and wife we will see long term results in our home and family.

Sources (besides good 'ol Youtube) look up:

http://www.foh.dhhs.gov/NYCU/marriage.asp

http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/10-simple-ways-to-make-a-marriage-last/index.aspx

"home improvement flowers for wilson" is the youtube clip