I recently had a friend of mine ask a question that hurt my heart. I won't say it word for word due to many colorful expletives but basically he was wondering what he was doing wrong! He would date someone and instead of the woman staying with him she would just up and leave him with out warning. After this happened multiple times he finally decided that there was something the matter with him and he was an ugly son of a gun and that is why no one wanted him. Sounds familiar?
I have contemplated many such relationships and have asked many questions but there have been to many unsatisfactory answers. So I decided to take a family relations class. (from this class I have notes up the wazoo!) One of the sections we discussed was the relationships between a man and woman who are dating according to today's trends.
The trends of today are simple you hang out, you make out, and then you drop out! or in other words "date 'em till ya hate 'em" according to Michael Williams. There are so many serious and unnoticed trends that we follow especially as we go and do something as serious as dating! Let me point out this theory that explains so perfectly what we do and what we need to work on doing better!
The theory is from the book "How to avoid marrying a Jerk" by John Van Epp.
This above is a healthy dating relationship. It is relatively simple, as you get to know someone your level of trust goes up. As your trust level rises you rely upon them more and become more committed to them. As a natural result you touch them a bit more than you did when you first met them. It's simple, and healthy and makes sense right?
Well lets see what the trend of today looks like: A bit unhealthy looking isn't it? Well in today's world it is very much okay to be holding hands or even kissing on the first date and how well do you know that person?! You just met them, you can't know them very well, or even trust them that much yet. As physical touch raises so does the commitment level. And as that to raises so does the level you rely on them. But you don't get to know them or trust them any more as you are focused on filling that "need" to touch them. It seems that our trends are a bit backwards. Some one asked the other day, "if this is the trend all around us then how do we date the healthy way?" There are many of us who are wanting to date more healthily but just don't know how! The main key to this is learning how to communicate your expectations to those you are dating. Now don't hate me for what I am going to say next but it is okay to date multiple people, you are not playing them, but the main reason for dating is to understand and find things that you will eventually want in an eternal companion.Now that we are aware of what the trends are in dating around us, what are healthy ways that we can date ourselves. The fact that you have read this far means that you now have an awareness of what is healthy and unhealthy. Now you can implement this in your own dating life. One more thing that you will need to be equipped with before you go. Take absolute steps in your dating process. If you look at our society currently we are really good at our "hang out" sessions and sliding from hanging out, to dating, to boyfriend/girlfriend, to marriage. Make it a point to take actual steps in your dating process. Let me show you:
First step is to officially start dating.
Second step is to officially start courting.
Third official step is become officially engaged.
Fourth step Get officially Married!
Our tendency is to just slide through the steps, not actually taking the time, effort, and deep thought to take these official steps. You see as you go through these steps you are setting up a communication system that will influence the rest of your marriage and you lives. Think about it, if a woman is asked by the man "Will you officially be my girlfriend" what roles are that man and woman displaying? How would this eventually effect them? If the man then goes and officially asks the father, "May I court your daughter" the communication with the parents, and the importance the Man places upon that relationship becomes significant in later years. Okay I'm sure you can take it from here on out!
Keep in mind the three very important "P's" of your dating life.
The three P's of dating:
planned
paid for
paired off
or if you look at the Proclamation for the Family the three P's are:
Provide
Preside
Protect
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