Criticism verses Love

So here I am one day sitting in my nice hard desk chair (three days ago) and I hear my professor say, "In a place where you feel warm and accepted you are most likely to correct actions."  We were discussing the word, "conflict" in relationships he said that the word "conflict" means differences of preference, opinion, or perspective. I think that we often need to learn from our experiences what to do with our conflicts. One thing that I firmly believe is that criticism is NEVER conducive, it will always make us feel defensive not compliant!
Do you remember the story about the sun and wind having a contest to see who could get the man below them to take off his jacket. They argued about who could do it the quickest and then proceeded to demonstrate. The wind blew his hardest against the man to take off his jacket, but the man just tightened his coat and walked on. After the wind blew, the sun decided to take his turn. He shone down on the man as brightly as he could and in moments the man had his jacket off.
oftentimes in any relationship whether it be brother, sister, husband, wife, or friend we have conflicts. How do you resolve the conflicts in your life????
I have studied and heaven knows I'm not even close to being good at resolving conflicts but here are a few things I have found.
First Love your Spouse and be realistic. As this gentleman says;
"Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us. "-Elder Carlos E. Asay
Yep!! Anyone else see that in their own lives?? I hope I'm not the only one here!

Second Pray for those you are inclined to hold a grudge against. 
I know it sounds silly, and sometimes the list might include those closest to you. But this is very important for a few reasons. When you turn to God for assistance, he will always hear and answer your prayers this is truth! I found something from our dear Elder Henry B. Eyring 


 he says something that I believe is an answer to resolving conflict, he stated, "My message is that we are doing better. Fathers and mothers are pleading for unity in their homes, and those prayers are being answered. Families are praying together night and morning. I was invited to kneel at bedtime with a family when I was a guest in their home. The smallest child was asked to be voice. He prayed like a patriarch for every person in the family, by name. I opened my eyes for an instant to see the faces of the other children and the parents. I could tell that they were joining their faith and their hearts in that little boy’s prayer."

The third thing I have found is to take a step back when you are angry, stop. Have compassion for their soul. put your feet into their shoes.

Take my word for it...sometimes those shoes are just plain uncomfy!


I don't claim here to know much, but I am sharing what I have learned so far in life. I hope it helps!!!




sources
https://www.lds.org/manual/family-home-evening-resource-book/building-a-strong-family/resolving-conflicts-in-marriage?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/our-hearts-knit-as-one?lang=eng&query=conflict