Criticism verses Love

So here I am one day sitting in my nice hard desk chair (three days ago) and I hear my professor say, "In a place where you feel warm and accepted you are most likely to correct actions."  We were discussing the word, "conflict" in relationships he said that the word "conflict" means differences of preference, opinion, or perspective. I think that we often need to learn from our experiences what to do with our conflicts. One thing that I firmly believe is that criticism is NEVER conducive, it will always make us feel defensive not compliant!
Do you remember the story about the sun and wind having a contest to see who could get the man below them to take off his jacket. They argued about who could do it the quickest and then proceeded to demonstrate. The wind blew his hardest against the man to take off his jacket, but the man just tightened his coat and walked on. After the wind blew, the sun decided to take his turn. He shone down on the man as brightly as he could and in moments the man had his jacket off.
oftentimes in any relationship whether it be brother, sister, husband, wife, or friend we have conflicts. How do you resolve the conflicts in your life????
I have studied and heaven knows I'm not even close to being good at resolving conflicts but here are a few things I have found.
First Love your Spouse and be realistic. As this gentleman says;
"Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us. "-Elder Carlos E. Asay
Yep!! Anyone else see that in their own lives?? I hope I'm not the only one here!

Second Pray for those you are inclined to hold a grudge against. 
I know it sounds silly, and sometimes the list might include those closest to you. But this is very important for a few reasons. When you turn to God for assistance, he will always hear and answer your prayers this is truth! I found something from our dear Elder Henry B. Eyring 


 he says something that I believe is an answer to resolving conflict, he stated, "My message is that we are doing better. Fathers and mothers are pleading for unity in their homes, and those prayers are being answered. Families are praying together night and morning. I was invited to kneel at bedtime with a family when I was a guest in their home. The smallest child was asked to be voice. He prayed like a patriarch for every person in the family, by name. I opened my eyes for an instant to see the faces of the other children and the parents. I could tell that they were joining their faith and their hearts in that little boy’s prayer."

The third thing I have found is to take a step back when you are angry, stop. Have compassion for their soul. put your feet into their shoes.

Take my word for it...sometimes those shoes are just plain uncomfy!


I don't claim here to know much, but I am sharing what I have learned so far in life. I hope it helps!!!




sources
https://www.lds.org/manual/family-home-evening-resource-book/building-a-strong-family/resolving-conflicts-in-marriage?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/our-hearts-knit-as-one?lang=eng&query=conflict

Do you ever have those times when something hits you?

We might not all be mothers, but I still think that the overall message is true for each individual.

I believe that God hears and answers my prayers. This isn't something I say lightly, but something that is dear to my heart. This morning I asked God to help me to see the miracles and blessings in my life today. A few of them I would love to share and remember so I will write them here. 

Imediately after my prayer I got to work on my school work and spent hours doing it. As I did this, my husband came in and asked what was for breakfast, I let him know that I had lots to accomplish before my first class and asked if cerial and milk would be okay. He replied that no it wasn't and he would be making breakfast. He made blueberry pancakes (let's be honest, I don't make them!) and he lovingly took the time to feed me before my class. God answered by showing me that I was loved and cared for by a good man and a wonderful husband. 

Later, as I was in the office and a friend came in and sat with me and we talked for a while. She shared a story about a young lady who was giving my friend a ride home. As they drove the Lady started to cry and my friend was uncertain of what to do. She had the thought come to her mind to ask Jorden to come and give her a blessing. He was on the college campus and when she called he asked if it could wait for 20 minutes, and she said, "No, the sooner the better." 10 minutes later he was at the door. Jorden had dropped everything that he was doing to go and assist others in need. I realized that this simple act, unnoticed by most, taught me that being willing to be selfless is something that will and can come naturally in the times of need. this had been weighing upon my heart for a few weeks, and God showed me that it is by the simple things that great things come to pass. 

Later this evening, I was returning a pickup to the farm, and as I was driving, I felt overwhelmed with all the things that I felt I needed to accomplish. I thought about my inadequacies, imperfections, the things I need to improve and correct in my life and I wondered what I was to do?! As I drove off the freeway into the small farm town and I felt in me, that I needed to call Mother Ball. I didn't have anything really to talk about, but I decided to call her anyways. Mother Ball let me know that she was on a walk, and she said that I could come and talk with her. I pulled up to the house and sat on the porch in a rocking chair. When she came up to the house, I walked out and immediately I knew what I needed and desired most was a hug from her. I asked for a hug, and as she gave me a hug it was as if it was a hug from my Heavenly Father, and I knew that God loved me and answered my prayers, and that Mother Ball was a good woman who was willing to do the things that God asked of her. 

These things seem simple yet each in their own way has let me know that when I pray to my God he hears and answers the simple prayers of my heart.

I found an experience that has made me think a bit about the differences that each person makes in this life. I work with the students in the Greenbrier apartments and we had a meeting last evening. The manager of the apartments invited the bishop and his counselors to come, but only the counselors were able to make it. The one man stood and talked to the students and shared a story from his college experience that made me laugh, but think. When he was young he went to UVU and had some roommates that were very memorable, in a not so positive way. He had one named Rick and another named Randy. Rick had a gun, and Randy a machete. Each morning this poor brother would get up at 6 and leave for school and he didn't return until after 10:30 each night. Every night he would return wondering if his house would still be standing, or either of the roommates of his were still alive. As the poor man slept he would leave one eye open just in case either of them decided to take his life in the middle of the night. He felt as if he was a wandering vagabond with out a home.
This is a prime example, a lot of times I have realized that I am like Rick and Randy, maybe not with a literal gun or machete but with my attitude, my words, or even the things I watch or do, I have created a home where no one wishes to be. It is a very lonely experience, take my word for that one.
I have often thought that a home can be a place of refuge, peace, and comfort. To create such a home is something that I am still learning how to do.  Each person who comes into my home makes a difference there, and I love the variety of folks that have found their way into my home!

the begining

For those who know me, and those of you who will be getting to know me, I absolutely adore stories!!! The more "real" they are the more I love them. Sometimes life tosses you some hard times, but from those priceless experiences we learn life lessons that will help us grow. Often I have found that if our personal stories are shared we influence others for good. I am here to share my stories of a simple farm girl who is going to college and learning from each person who comes into my life.

The best stories I have found come from family and friends who become like my family, so a lot of those stories will come from those sources. I hope you enjoy this adventure with me! Because let's be honest life is an adventure!!!!!

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